30
Jun

Suppressed Evil

This was something that came up in my high school senior year English class, and I found it very fascinating.  Have you ever had the urge to do something you know is bad and will have a bad outcome for not only you but maybe even others?  The most common urge I’ve had happens when I’m driving.  A couple of times, whenever there’s a break in oncoming traffic, and then a bunch of cars start coming again, I have this strange urge to just yank the wheel to the left and drive head-on right into the first upcoming car.  The worst part of it is that I get the impression that I want to do it just for shits and giggles.  You know, just to see what would actually happen.  Now will I actually ever do it?  No I won’t because I know better and I’m not a suicidal maniac, but its like a small itch at the back of my brain that comes back every now and then.

I thought I was alone in having these feelings for awhile until it came up in English class and then I realized a lot of people have actually experienced this phenomenon.  What causes these urges?  I’m not so sure.  Maybe its simply the strength of curiosity.  Leave a comment if you’ve had a similar experience.

23
Jun

Time for Surgery #10

I never thought it would come to this, but it turns out I’m going to be going in for my tenth ear surgery in early August.  Someone throw a party or something.

For those of you who don’t know me very well, about 12 years ago I was diagnosed with cholesteatoma in my left ear.

Cholesteatoma is a destructive and expanding sac in the middle ear and/or mastoid process. If untreated, a cholesteatoma can eat into the three small bones located in the middle ear (the malleus, incus and stapes, collectively called ossicles), which can result in nerve deterioration, deafness, imbalance and vertigo. It can also affect and erode, through the enzymes it produces, the thin bone structure that isolates the top of the ear from the brain, as well as lay the covering of the brain open to infection with serious complications.

-Wikipedia

So, a long story short, the doctors went in and removed the cholesteatoma from my left ear.  That alone took 5 or 6 surgeries since it has a high reoccurance rate.  They put in place a prosthetic ear bone so that I would still be able to hear.  That worked great for a little bit, but as it turns out, it had started to move out of place in the direction of my ear drum.  So back into surgery I went and they replaced that prosthesis with a newer, titanium model.  Once that was in, after 8 surgeries, I did great for about 9 years or so.

Unfortunately, towards the end of my last school year, I suddenly lost my hearing in my left ear.  The doctors checked it out and weren’t sure what could have happened although they were pretty sure it was something wrong with the prosthesis.  I went in for surgery #9 in May of 2008 so that the doctors could figure out what was wrong, and fix it while they were in my ear.  It turns out the prosthesis had literally fallen over and out of place, which would definitely explain my sudden loss of hearing.

Just today I went back in for a post-operation check-up on my ear and well… things aren’t too great.  The problem is that I still can’t hear out of my left ear, so nothing has changed since I lost my hearing at school.  We think either the prosthesis isn’t in the exact right position or there is something wrong with the prosthesis itself.  Either way, both the doctors and I agreed that I have the ability to hear out of my left ear, and this is a problem we should tackle instead of giving up and saying “oh well, we tried.”  The good news of the visit today was that my ear healed perfectly, so at least I didn’t get an infection.

This next surgery is going to go a little differently, however.  Normally they put me out cold for the entire thing and I wake up hours later (although it feels like seconds later to me) in the recovery room where the only thing that matters is that I get something to drink (apple juice is pretty awesome).  This time, whats going to happen is they’re going to put me mostly under while they go into my ear and cut back the ear drum so they have access to the middle ear.  Then they will partially wake me up just enough so I can hold a rudimentary conversation.  They will test my left ear to see if I can hear out of it by simply whispering into it, and if I can hear them, I give them the ok and they finish up the surgery.  If I can’t hear them, they will continue to adjust the prosthesis until I can.  I’m not sure why we didn’t do this last time, but it seems like a much better idea to me.  Hopefully everything will go well, and this will be my last ear surgery ever.

18
Jun

My First Spore Creature

Today I downloaded the Spore Creature Creator so that I could take it for a spin (it made me happy theres a Mac and a Windows version available).  Overall, I’m amazed at how well it works.  Creating a character is as easy as clicking and dragging body parts onto a body mold.  Despite its simplicity, there really is an endless number of different creatures you can create.  If you want to have some fun of your own, you can download the Spore Creature Creator here.  Heres a short video of my first creation doing a little dance:

16
Jun

Trip to the Movies: The Strangers

Last night I was able to make my way to the movie theater with my dad for fathers day to see The Strangers. To be honest, I haven’t seen a good horror film in awhile (I feel like I Am Legend is more of a thriller), so I went in with high expectations. The previews looked promising, so overall I was pretty excited.

That being said and without giving away too much, I would say I enjoyed this film although its main flaw was the lack of a plot. It seemed that most of the focus was on the horror part and not the storytelling. The ending was a bit frustrating as well, but I’ll leave it up to you to find that out on your own.

The reason the horror aspect of the movie was so good was because the entire movie was revolved around many peoples greatest fears, including my own: breaking the illusion of security in your own home. Most people feel very comfortable when they are in their house, almost to the point where in their head, they feel it is some kind of metal fortress. I know that for me, finding someone looking through one of my house’s windows in the middle of the night is something I envision in my head all the time and it creeps me out. If it were to actually happen, I would probably shit a brick and run. Especially if the person has a creepy mask on like they did in the movie. As soon as something like this happens, you suddenly realize that you really aren’t safe at all in your own home. All anyone would have to do is break a window to get into your house, and thats probably the most extreme action required.

I guess this reflects back on one of my favorite topics: the power of the mind. We can lure ourselves into believing something is true because we want it that badly.  Anyways, if you’re looking for a good horror movie, I’d recommend The Strangers. Here’s a picture from the movie so you know what kind of horror you’re in for:

31
May

Lucid Dreams and the Subconscious

A lucid dream, also known as a conscious dream, is a dream in which the person is aware that he or she is dreaming while the dream is in progress. During lucid dreams, it is possible to exert conscious control over the dream characters and environment and have them perform feats which would be physically impossible in the waking world. Lucid dreams can be extremely real and vivid depending on a person’s level of self-awareness during the lucid dream.

- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lucid_dream

Lucid dreams are something that I find very interesting.  After reading a blog post about dreams and nightmares on my good friend Amanda’s blog, my mind really started thinking about the subconscious and how mystical it is.  Everything that happens in a dream is happening in our head, yet we know so little about them.  Dreams can be amazingly powerful too.  I know that my mood for the rest of the day can be affected by a dream I had because it seemed so real.  No matter how strange a dream is, it can still have very strong emotional feelings attached to it.

The ability to control what happens in our dreams seems like it would be one of the most amazing experiences ever.  Just think, you could do anything you want.  You want to fly by flapping your arms?  No problem.  Want to breathe underwater?  Sure thing.  I think the ability for complete control over everything and everyone is a guilty pleasure of the human mind on the subconscious level, no matter how moral of a person you are.  This is especially true when all you have to do to erase everything you did is open your eyes and wake up.  I guess the other guilty pleasure of the subconscious mind would be the ability to have actions without consequences.

Thinking back on dreams, it seems that there are two different ways to look at them.  There is the overall impression of the dream, which sometimes can be an elaborate story that makes sense, however more times than not, is usually a jumpy, convoluted story that contains many events with only a couple things in common such as a person that appears throughout most of the dream.  I guess the best thing to call this would be the “long-term” memory of the dream.  The other way, as you probably guessed would be the “short-term” view of the dream where you think back on only specific events or short moments in time.  Usually, when thought about in these little segments, each little part of the dream makes sense, no matter how one part transitioned to the next.  Sure sometimes someone or something very strange can be going on, but when thought about on a small enough time frame, you don’t have the issue of your location changing spontaneously or people suddenly appearing in your dream out of nowhere. I’ve had times where I had dreams that take place over over a very long time and made sense, for the most part, from start to finish. When I woke up, I felt as if years should have gone by when in fact, only 7 or 8 hours have passed. I even had one night where I had trouble sleeping, so I managed to experience 3 completely separate dreams in one night, and I remembered them all in the morning. Talk about a brain workout.

This really makes me think about how the subconscious works because during the dream, it seems perfectly normal for things to spontaneously change around you.  You could be in your house one moment, and halfway around the world in the next.  The strange thing when this happens though, is that it usually takes me awhile to realize that I’m not in the same place I was before.  This is a little bit of a weird analogy, but its almost as if dreams are fluid and things can shift around smoothly, no matter how different or random it is, and the change is so smooth that it takes awhile to notice the change.

Ultimately, I wish there was some way to record dreams exactly how we see and experience them, no matter how strange or confusing they may be.  I’m sure if we were able to watch our dreams while we were awake, we’d basically be saying “what the hell?” for most of the time, but it would still be interesting to study.  I know a lot of times stuff that has happened to me recently, or even just stuff that has been on my mind lately, can be reflected in my dreams in very interesting, and sometimes subtle, ways.  I really hope we make some breakthroughs into understanding the subconscious part of the human brain as I would love to learn more about it.

28
May

Why Flickr is Awesome

This made my night. ‘Nuff said

22
May

Arrested Development, SNL and Hulu

Tonight I decided to begin watching the TV show Arrested Development on Hulu.com, and I must admit that the humor is very smart and very well developed. After watching a couple of episodes though, I started browsing and I didn’t realize how extensive their SNL collection really is.  I found one of my all time favorite SNL skits on there and thought I’d share it with you.  Enjoy :)

15
May

Garry’s Mod 3-to-7 Segment Decoder

Yea… so I was realllly bored today when I suddenly got into the mood for some Garrys Mod. Then I remembered the ridiculous wire mod addon (http://wiremod.com) that lets you wire electrical components together in the game. So one thing led to another, and eventually I made this 3-to-7 segment decoder. The 3 buttons on the wall represent 3 binary bits, and the display outputs the current binary number in a decimal format. So for example ‘011′ will output ‘3′ on the display. My digital circuits teacher would be proud.

11
May

Anteater Craze (lolanteaters?)

Yea, so it seems the new cool thing on the internet is anteaters (especially anteaters in sweaters), so I thought I’d have a bit of fun myself and throw some captions on some pictures. More coming as soon as I can think up some funny captions :)

06
May

Back from School and GTA IV

Well here I am, one year of college gone already. If there was one piece of advice that I got before the year started that came true, it was that the year really does fly by. Now that finals are out of the way and I’m at home, I’ll finally have more time to post to this blog.

So whats been up with me? Well it turns out I’m going in for surgery in a week. I have a prosthetic ear bone in my left ear and something is wrong with it. Probably just moved out of place. Shouldn’t be too major of a surgery, but its not a great way to start off the summer I’ll have to admit.

On the other hand, I know theres been a lot of talk about the newly released Grand Theft Auto IV. Definitely lots of mixed feelings about the game, depending on who you talk to. Some people say that the game is way too violent and it corrupts young peoples minds. Others take a totally different approach and say that the game is amazingly fun, well made, and is nothing worse than what you’d find in a major motion picture. To be honest, I’m going to have to agree with the latter point of view. I had the privilege of buying the game a couple of days ago and so far, I’ve been pretty impressed. When you play it, it really feels more like your watching a movie than playing a game. Everything is so well done that it all comes together smoothly in the end. Technologically speaking, the game is even more amazing. The city that you can explore is HUGE and there is never a loading screen when you go from place to place. Theres this cool depth of field effect that it does too which is probably to hide the fact that its loading stuff progressively in the background, but it works to its advantage cause it looks sweet. Apparently the game has a soundtrack of over 200 songs too, the most out of any video game.

All the technical aspects aside, what makes the game truly unique is its ability to make you feel like you are playing in a virtual second world instead of just playing a video game. The amount of time and detail spent even on the most mundane things truly is amazing. Depending on what part of town you are in determines the characteristics of the people walking around on the streets, for example. Its funny because at first, you don’t really realize what it is about the game that makes it so enjoyable. To be honest, I probably couldn’t even really put it into words. Its just that the final-product is so well developed that it just works really well.

As far as people complaining about the game being too violent, corruptive, ect… Well it should be up to the parents to regulate the games their kids play and I wouldn’t recommend this game to anyone under 18 years old, which is the same as the ESRB rating. So all you people complaining about the game being too violent, just go away already. It really is nothing worse than what you would see in most major movies.