Archive for June, 2008

30
Jun

Suppressed Evil

By Ryan 4 Comments
Categories: Pondering

This was something that came up in my high school senior year English class, and I found it very fascinating.  Have you ever had the urge to do something you know is bad and will have a bad outcome for not only you but maybe even others?  The most common urge I’ve had happens when I’m driving.  A couple of times, whenever there’s a break in oncoming traffic, and then a bunch of cars start coming again, I have this strange urge to just yank the wheel to the left and drive head-on right into the first upcoming car.  The worst part of it is that I get the impression that I want to do it just for shits and giggles.  You know, just to see what would actually happen.  Now will I actually ever do it?  No I won’t because I know better and I’m not a suicidal maniac, but its like a small itch at the back of my brain that comes back every now and then.

I thought I was alone in having these feelings for awhile until it came up in English class and then I realized a lot of people have actually experienced this phenomenon.  What causes these urges?  I’m not so sure.  Maybe its simply the strength of curiosity.  Leave a comment if you’ve had a similar experience.

23
Jun

Time for Surgery #10

By Ryan 3 Comments
Categories: Personal

I never thought it would come to this, but it turns out I’m going to be going in for my tenth ear surgery in early August.  Someone throw a party or something.

For those of you who don’t know me very well, about 12 years ago I was diagnosed with cholesteatoma in my left ear.

Cholesteatoma is a destructive and expanding sac in the middle ear and/or mastoid process. If untreated, a cholesteatoma can eat into the three small bones located in the middle ear (the malleus, incus and stapes, collectively called ossicles), which can result in nerve deterioration, deafness, imbalance and vertigo. It can also affect and erode, through the enzymes it produces, the thin bone structure that isolates the top of the ear from the brain, as well as lay the covering of the brain open to infection with serious complications.

-Wikipedia

So, a long story short, the doctors went in and removed the cholesteatoma from my left ear.  That alone took 5 or 6 surgeries since it has a high reoccurance rate.  They put in place a prosthetic ear bone so that I would still be able to hear.  That worked great for a little bit, but as it turns out, it had started to move out of place in the direction of my ear drum.  So back into surgery I went and they replaced that prosthesis with a newer, titanium model.  Once that was in, after 8 surgeries, I did great for about 9 years or so.

Unfortunately, towards the end of my last school year, I suddenly lost my hearing in my left ear.  The doctors checked it out and weren’t sure what could have happened although they were pretty sure it was something wrong with the prosthesis.  I went in for surgery #9 in May of 2008 so that the doctors could figure out what was wrong, and fix it while they were in my ear.  It turns out the prosthesis had literally fallen over and out of place, which would definitely explain my sudden loss of hearing.

Just today I went back in for a post-operation check-up on my ear and well… things aren’t too great.  The problem is that I still can’t hear out of my left ear, so nothing has changed since I lost my hearing at school.  We think either the prosthesis isn’t in the exact right position or there is something wrong with the prosthesis itself.  Either way, both the doctors and I agreed that I have the ability to hear out of my left ear, and this is a problem we should tackle instead of giving up and saying “oh well, we tried.”  The good news of the visit today was that my ear healed perfectly, so at least I didn’t get an infection.

This next surgery is going to go a little differently, however.  Normally they put me out cold for the entire thing and I wake up hours later (although it feels like seconds later to me) in the recovery room where the only thing that matters is that I get something to drink (apple juice is pretty awesome).  This time, whats going to happen is they’re going to put me mostly under while they go into my ear and cut back the ear drum so they have access to the middle ear.  Then they will partially wake me up just enough so I can hold a rudimentary conversation.  They will test my left ear to see if I can hear out of it by simply whispering into it, and if I can hear them, I give them the ok and they finish up the surgery.  If I can’t hear them, they will continue to adjust the prosthesis until I can.  I’m not sure why we didn’t do this last time, but it seems like a much better idea to me.  Hopefully everything will go well, and this will be my last ear surgery ever.

18
Jun

My First Spore Creature

By Ryan 0 Comments
Categories: Computer-Related

Today I downloaded the Spore Creature Creator so that I could take it for a spin (it made me happy theres a Mac and a Windows version available).  Overall, I’m amazed at how well it works.  Creating a character is as easy as clicking and dragging body parts onto a body mold.  Despite its simplicity, there really is an endless number of different creatures you can create.  If you want to have some fun of your own, you can download the Spore Creature Creator here.  Heres a short video of my first creation doing a little dance:

16
Jun

Trip to the Movies: The Strangers

By Ryan 2 Comments
Categories: Movies

Last night I was able to make my way to the movie theater with my dad for fathers day to see The Strangers. To be honest, I haven’t seen a good horror film in awhile (I feel like I Am Legend is more of a thriller), so I went in with high expectations. The previews looked promising, so overall I was pretty excited.

That being said and without giving away too much, I would say I enjoyed this film although its main flaw was the lack of a plot. It seemed that most of the focus was on the horror part and not the storytelling. The ending was a bit frustrating as well, but I’ll leave it up to you to find that out on your own.

The reason the horror aspect of the movie was so good was because the entire movie was revolved around many peoples greatest fears, including my own: breaking the illusion of security in your own home. Most people feel very comfortable when they are in their house, almost to the point where in their head, they feel it is some kind of metal fortress. I know that for me, finding someone looking through one of my house’s windows in the middle of the night is something I envision in my head all the time and it creeps me out. If it were to actually happen, I would probably shit a brick and run. Especially if the person has a creepy mask on like they did in the movie. As soon as something like this happens, you suddenly realize that you really aren’t safe at all in your own home. All anyone would have to do is break a window to get into your house, and thats probably the most extreme action required.

I guess this reflects back on one of my favorite topics: the power of the mind. We can lure ourselves into believing something is true because we want it that badly.  Anyways, if you’re looking for a good horror movie, I’d recommend The Strangers. Here’s a picture from the movie so you know what kind of horror you’re in for: